With things becoming messier than ever and me trying to emulate “House MD”, I think a lot has changed since the last time I babbled about Eshan’s blog. Do I need to mention that was one big black time in my life? But I am doing much better now thanks to support from roomie and DDA. I am explaining, listen.
You know, how people say it is always better not to know too much, take it from me- it is true. It all started when I was doing my internship with KRCL. Most of the times, I would be just sitting by myself or watching something on TV or laptop or I would be out in nature. All those times when I was alone, allowed me venture into myself. What am I and who am I? Answers were not bearable. You might not be able to apprehend the position that I was in at that moment. But let me tell you one thing- when you know for sure, everything around you is just lies, traditions and rituals and that all of this is meaningless, it is not surprising to fall into grip of hopelessness. I have seen the true face of me and lets just say I am not a big fan. Okay, if you still don’t get it I don’t think you ever will, so I am gonna go to next part- recovery.
It is my roommate who deserves more than half the credit. He challenged my every fundamental with the vigor which every person with good knowledge and strong belief in socialism would. He was unsuccessful most of the times but he tried every time. I began to sit in his room whenever I had to study. I was recovering, but slowly. Then one day, one of his comments changed everything. One sardar told me that I was fat. I said I didn’t care about looking fat (as always). Then roomie said why do you take everything to be in terms of looks and getups and facades. Sometimes looking fat might mean that there is something unhealthy going on inside your body. Something to do with your lifestyle. Dude, that changed everything. I started jogging from that day itself and that was the day everything started going my way. Some might ask why didn’t you give colloq report or PPT, I would answer I need a degree extension but in actuality, my intern was too good and I wasn’t able to do justice with it. But at some time I realized that it need not be perfect, I can get away with average, that’s when I embraced mediocrity. Running everyday brings energy and freshness which never rests for which I have to thank DDA for helping me by constructing a big park in front of hostel gate.
So this is how this has been so far, it was just a semester but ask me how long it was. I am still under rehab, doing study at roommate’s and running 1-2 kms daily.
Finally an advice from the experienced- do not try to know too much about yourself or about anything. You might not like what you find. Let it come when it is to come. I know it is my own philosophy never to listen to anyone and try everything out. But in some cases, it might be too late. I was able to recover because I am a psycho. You might be stuck in loop forever. You can trust me on this one.
