Everyday i feel myself a little bit weaker

I am sure I was a superman when i was born.

I got to write this off before effect of sleep wears off.

Sleep left me. As soon as I realized that I was not gonna die in my sleep, not this time anyway, I embraced myself for another day of lies. I felt like crap(could budge my eyes or my body).I tried to find my mobile like a blind person who could only move his arms; it is always below my pillow somewhere. I managed to find it, forced my eyes to see time. it was 8:04 am. Sure I felt like crap. I went to bed around 5:00 am. I decided to stay in bed for some time.

Then it came. A bout of nausea, stronger than ever. Another day triumphed. Was this the way it was supposed to be? Each day I feel myself getting a little bit sicker. Each day I come out of my bed feeling miserable, with no idea of why I would like to go through another awesome day of this shitty life. But I am able to hide my confusion easily. With each I have been growing weaker I had been getting good in wearing my mask. Façade which need so dearly because world doesn’t need to know what I am on the inside. It is actually just about a handful of them, you know, different ones to use when I am with different people, when I am in different situations. Mostly I wear the one having a big smile pasted on it. It sometimes give the impression of a joker. God, do I need to say to say I hate this one. But I wear it anyhow because it is the one that keeps people away from reaching out to me. They see a happy smiling person and they figure out nothing is wrong. Another one tries to keep people occupied by making fun of other people’s facades. You would be actually surprised how poorly people choose their masks. I sometimes see right through them to see a writhing soul(or whatever you wanna call it) trying to break away. Then there is my favorite one who cares about this world, one who cares to pay people a visit once in awhile, who likes to wear clean laundry, one who fears what might happen if his CGPA drops below 7.0 because he wont be able to apply to some companies, he is slow so he can have a girl like walk. This one is a charmer, he really is. He is vulnerable as everybody else which is good because, you see, it gives people to think they have gotten inside you, they have torn off all your masks (or what I call my “wall”, stolen from Mr. Pink Floyd). A false impression to give. Nobody has ever got through this wall. On one or two occasions, I might have let something in, but made sure it wasn’t someone. I knew better than to give people key to my heart.

I am shouting a little bit too much these days. That is an efficient way to muffle voices in your head. I brain gets so mixed up when I hear to them. I am not used to them.

I got to stop now because you know I think I am waking up.

It was nice to let it out. But one thing I must clarify, no one would be able to get me with my mask off. There is just a skull beneath. It will scare you off. No one befriends a scary looking person.